Help! My housemate has really loud sex!

Q: A friend recently moved into our shared house and it’s causing some awkwardness. Turns out she has really loud sex, and I mean really loud. Even when she’s masturbating. It’s become quite embarrassing for the rest of us in the house. She must know she’s loud but isn’t making any attempt to muffle her sounds. How do we bring it up without embarrassing her and making the situation even worse?

There are three things certain in life – death, taxes and occasionally hearing your housemates get their cheeks clapped.

It’s a fact that if you live with others, you are likely to hear them getting frisky at some point. Generally, it’s fine – we’ve all had our moments of being a bit too enthusiastic. But if your new roomie is going all out from the start, and going full pornstar by making her every orgasm known, or she sounds like a squealing pig every time she’s getting laid, and it’s affecting your sleep or the general harmony of the house, there’s no question – the girl’s got to put the root on mute.

It's admirable that you want to avoid embarrassing your new roomie, even though she’s embarrassing herself and making things awkward for everyone in your home. Here are a few tactics to handle this noisy situation sensitively.

Have a Light-hearted One-on-One

If you think making a joke about having a front-row seat to her orgasms might not go over well, have a private chat where you focus on the noise-factor. Explain that you’re struggling to sleep, study, or simply live your life because of the sound levels coming from her room. Make a gentle joke about the thin walls and sound travelling, and ask if she could lower the volume a bit. By framing it around general noise rather than her specific sounds, you’re less likely to embarrass her or seem judgemental, creepy, or sex-negative. The goal is to make her aware of the noise so she’s more considerate next time she’s rubbing one out.

Have a roomie meeting

Gather all your roomies and set a time to discuss house boundaries and rules. By creating a safe space to discuss expectations and concerns, everyone can chime in. This isn’t an intervention - it’s about opening a dialogue to make your shared living space mutually respectful. This will allow everyone to discuss what’s on their mind and give you a chance to bring up the noise issue without pointing fingers. Plus, regular roomie meetings can help open lines of communication and squash any resentment between a group of people with different needs living under one roof. However, if either of these options don’t work, you might need a more direct approach. 

Passive-Aggressive Options (Not Recommended)

If the above suggestions fall on deaf ears and she’s still screaming like a banshee, here are a few passive-aggressive options you should definitely avoid:

1. Stage an actual intervention. Have your flatmates gathered outside her door so she walks right into the noisy sex intervention.
2. Leave a ballgag on her door handle.
3. Get the whole house to start cheering loudly along with the noises.
4. Compete with her by having obnoxiously loud sex yourself.
5. Change your wifi network to “I can hear you having sex again, Sarah”
6. Put a speaker outside her bedroom door and play a deeply cum-resistant song. Daryl Braithwaite’s “The Horses” is a solid place to start. Or that new Katy Perry song. Oof. Only a psycho could cum to that.

Honestly, just have a little chat and tell her to tone it down a little. 

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Comments (2)

• 

  keepfit69

  More than a month ago

  Just send her to my place 😈

  Reply
• 

  Steels.73

  More than a month ago

  Life is short you could always be happy for your friends they are obviously enjoying themselves.

  Reply