My friend is cheating on her partner

Amie Wee Amie Wee on 13 July 2023    8 comments
Woman cheating on her husband and removing her wedding ring behind her back

Q: My friend just admitted that she’s been cheating on her partner. I am friends with both of them. What do I do? I feel she’s put me in a really horrible situation and now I’m the one who is going to have to lie.

Oh mate, I can feel the weight of this situation just by reading your words. 

It’s never fun when a friend drops a shitty bombshell like this on you, especially when you’re tight with their partner. You know what? Good friends are honest with each other, even when it’s time to have the hard conversations. 

Firstly, remind yourself that this isn’t your circus to manage. You didn’t sign up to be centred in a cheating scandal between your buddies. Your friend made the decision to cheat and that’s her decision. While you didn’t choose to find this information out, you do have a choice in how you handle the situation. 

So, buckle in, grab yourself a wine and let’s talk about your options. 

Option 1: Face your friend head-on

If you’re close friends, it’s worth having a one-on-one chat with your friend to let her know how you feel. Let her know that you’ve found her actions disappointing and that it’s put you in a shitty position. Encourage her to come clean with her partner, and remind her that honesty is the secret sauce of a healthy relationship. 

Option 2: Stay out of it

Not every situation requires your intervention. If you feel that confronting your friend would stain your relationship or you simply don’t want to get involved in someone else’s hot mess, it’s okay to take a step back and be a spectator. Plus, we’ve all got our own shit going on that we’re trying to deal with, right? If you don’t feel the need to get involved – don’t. However, consider how your silence might affect your friendship with your buds if you don’t take a stand.

Option 3: Talk to your friend’s partner

If you feel the cheated-on partner deserves the truth, consider having a heart-to-heart with them. Tread lightly though, as this can be a delicate situation. If you take this route, make sure you approach the conversation with empathy, making sure your friend knows you’re only sharing the information because you care about them and want them to know the truth. Be warned… results may vary!

In the end, how to choose to approach this shit sandwich is up to you. Each option has its ups and downs. But remember, it’s not your responsibility to cover up for your friend. Nip it in the bud if you can!

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Comments (8)

  • Fuckudeep129

    Fuckudeep129
    61M NSW,
     AU

    Sounds like someone i know
    >4w
    Reply
  • Groupwise20

    Groupwise20
    63M Wahroonga, NSW,
     AU

    Best advice I ever had was to stay out of a situation like this!! Don't ask for more details and don't tell the person who is being cheated on. Respect each of your friend's privacy. If the subject is mentioned again, just walk away, don't get involved and stay well clear.
    >4w
    Reply
  • Tinglespromise

    Tinglespromise
    Account closed

    This is actually quite an easy one which has worked in situations I’ve been in several times before.
    Firstly this tactic has to stay between you and another male that is willing (he has nothing to lose) and doesn’t know your couple friends at all. You stay close to your female friend and you get your male friend to call the male that’s being cheated on from a private number…and he says this short and sweet “Hi Todd eg you don’t know me but I know of your partner and her movements. She is cheating on you. I thought you should know but I’m looking out for your best interests”….then hang up.
    Todd will then confront his partner and say “I had a call from a guy to my work today saying that you’ve been cheating on me?” 9 times out of 10 she’ll confess.
    >4w
    Reply
  • JohnS031955

    JohnS031955
    Account closed

    Confidence means confidence. Blabbing or being involved would be a very bad move. Silence is golden. Stay out of it is my advice.
    >4w
    Reply
  • Lilith79

    Lilith79
    45F 36M Frankston South, VIC,
     AU

    I have been in a very similar situation.. almost identical.
    I actually did option 1.
    I faced my friend head on. I told her that I was pissed at her for her dishonesty and deceit and that I did not appreciate being sucked into her bullshit and lies.
    I told her that she either told her husband, or I would.
    She chose not to tell him and continued on cheating.
    I told her husband and he didn’t believe me…
    She and I are no longer friends for reasons unrelated to this.
    Her now ex husband has moved on and is happy with his new partner. I speak to him every now and then.
    She is in a relationship with the guy she was cheating with, I have it on good authority that he cheats on her… I guess if they’ll do it with you, they’ll do it to you hey!
    If you choose not to say anything and stay out of it, then that’s ok too.. you aren’t being the the deceitful one here. This is all on your friend.
    No matter what you choose it will still feel shitty and awful. It’s not a nice position to be in.
    Just remember, you ain’t the bad guy here, your friend is!
    >4w
    Reply
  • enthusiasts

    enthusiasts
    46M 53F Gosford, NSW,
     AU

    I think you may have forgotten rule no. 1: honesty.
    Have an authentic/ honest chat to uncover needs, wants, desires
    >4w
    Reply
  • SifuFarmerAsh

    SifuFarmerAsh
    56M Adelaide Hills, SA,
     AU

    Refreshing to see the woman as being portrayed as the " villan" here. Usually it's blamed wholly on the man and what he "failed to do". Not much of a friend to drop you in this situation, my thoughts are stay out of it. It's not your relationship to be judging, unless you are happy for your friendship to end. No one likes truths shoved in their face, good intentions or not.
    >4w
    Reply
  • Campbelltown1

    Campbelltown1
    70M Glenfield, NSW,
     AU

    Stay out of it and then you cant be blamed for anything when the S**T hit the fan
    >4w
    Reply
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