Top Sexual Turn Offs for Men and Women

Eva Sless Eva Sless on 5 January 2023    32 comments
Couple sitting on bed turning away from each other because of their sexual turn offs

Getting turned on is awesome. The slow tingling excitement that takes over your body. The anticipation of touch, the promise of deliciousness... So good! 

But of course, as Isaac Newton once said; "For every action there is an equal yet opposite reaction" and that goes for sex and sexual turn ons as well. For every turn on there are turn offs. Those moments or actions that take you from hot to cold in an instant. The cringey, gross or just plain horrible things that can turn your fires of desire into cold, claggy porridge. Ugh.

Sometimes it's tricky because likes and dislikes, fantasies and fetishes etc, are all completely subjective. 

What works for one won't necessarily work for another, and I wouldn't be at all surprised if someone out there is super turned on by cold, claggy porridge and doesn't understand why I would even use that as an analogy.

So let's all agree that blanket lists of "what men and women want/like/enjoy/dislike" are problematic and drowned in surface level, cis-centric, westernised stereotypes, while we enjoy my article on the top five biggest turn offs for men and women.

Sexual Turn Offs for Women:

Again I need to mention that this is a very broad topic to slip into five sections, so I've trawled the internet and my friends’ brains, and various other magazines and sex forums to collate the top five most common turn offs I could find. This is by no means an extensive list, and I'm sure you'll have others to add to it in the comments. 

Bad Hygiene

Yes, your musky scent can be quite nice. Pheromones and all are real and can be very attracting... But that's an entirely different kettle of fish than when you've been at work all day and haven't put on deodorant or brushed your teeth. The other thing you need to do, and it feels weird to have to say this to grown up men in 2023 ffs, but WIPE. YOUR. ASS. Properly. With toilet paper. Get right in. Wipe the paper clear. Wash it with a sponge in the shower. Riiiight in there. Actually touch your butthole with the flannel.

Yes, I know there will be some men reading this going huh? Who doesn't wipe or wash their asses properly??

And a whole bunch of women nodding their heads so vigorously they're getting a headache. 

The thing is it is a well known fact that there is a large faction of men out there that think anything touching their butt makes them gay...  and that includes wiping and washing it properly after the loo or in the shower.

Dudes, it does NOT make you gay, and it leaves lingering memories of the skid marks you left on our bedsheets or towels, and we probably won't fuck you ever again. 

Toxic Masculinity

Cue some men taking offence and not understanding that me saying that doesn't mean I think masculinity in itself is toxic. Because it's not. Masculinity is wonderful if that's what you're into... But toxic masculinity: the ideas that anger, misogynistic superiority, and violence etc is what makes a man a man is a bad take, and does nothing for anyone.

Women may like a big, strong man to gather them up... but he's also got to be a good man. Good to his friends. Nice to children and animals. Able to emote. To hug. To cry. 

Yes a protector and a provider (if that's the stereotype you like) but he also needs to protect those like the homeless dude on the corner, or the trans kid getting bullied at the bus stop. He needs to provide an emotionally supportive and equally open environment in which you can both be vulnerable. Toxic masculinity is toxic, and there should be no room for it in any relationship. Sexual or other.

Talking About Your Crazy Exes

Look, we get it. Exes are exes for a reason, and a lot of us have had some pretty bad experiences with exes and can totally relate... However, firstly bringing up anyone you used to fuck while you're trying to fuck someone else is a bit weird, but secondly, the whole "crazy ex girlfriend" trope is a huge red flag to women. Even IF your past partner was actually a horrible woman and really fucked you up, for the most part, when women hear stories about the crazy ex, their first thought is "did you do something to make her crazy?"

Because unfortunately we've all had a boyfriend who lied or cheated or abused us, and then gaslit us so bad that we actually went a little crazy inside and wondered if we were going mad..  So no. Please save those conversations for your therapist and leave those ex names and ex stories out of the bedroom.

And especially don’t bring up that thing she did which turned you on. We don’t want to be compared to her at all! 

No Foreplay

If your idea of sex is "I put my dick in her, move it til I come, and then go sleepy time" then I'm sorry, but the 1990s called and they have some Cosmo magazines for you to read. 

Seriously, I honestly can't believe that we still have men out there not understanding that sex is a mutual act and that women sometimes need a little more than just your dick inside them to fully enjoy the experience. Touch, sight, sound, feel, taste... all of our senses want to be heightened while we're enjoying sex and the better you are at indulging all of those, the better at sex you will be, and the more sex you will have. If you really want to learn what women like, I'd suggest reading some good lesbian erotica smut. Seriously. Lesbians absolutely know what other women want... and it's why lesbian erotica is one of the most read sexy genres for women, regardless of their actual sexuality. 

Bad Sex Talk

Don't get me wrong. Many women love sexy talk. They absolutely love hearing men moan and enjoying themselves... But depending on the woman, and your relationship with her, certain words, themes, and tropes can be really, really off-putting. Especially if not discussed beforehand. Sure, some women like being a little slutty and putting on the pornstar moves... But calling her "your dirty whore" without first knowing if that's something she likes to hear, can be disastrous. If in doubt use positive language like "Mmm that feels so good" or "do you like this, baby?" etc. You can build up to nasty talk as your relationship progresses and you get to know each other, but I would absolutely err on the side of caution in those early days and hook ups.

Sexual Turn Offs for Men:

I read some pretty extensive lists and articles on what women do that turned men off, and I have to say some of them were wtf?? So I spoke to a bunch of my male friends before writing this and whittled it down to five... and was also super pleased most of them said wtf to a bunch of them as well. (Just as an example, one of the ones that kept coming up was "wearing too much make up" and almost every male friend of mine said they hardly noticed and couldn't care less so I was glad men actually weren't so superficial, but I do worry about the Men's Health writers a little...)

So here are the ones we came up with.

Putting Herself Down

I'm so fat! I'm so ugly! I'm terrible at this! Turn off the lights! Don't look at me!

All of these things are huge turn offs for men. Stop it! Firstly he's fucking you because he likes you, he wants to, and he thinks you're sexy. And secondly what does it say about him if you think he's the sort of guy who fucks things he doesn't like or isn't into?

Having to constantly prop up someone's self esteem can be exhausting, and while yes, of course you want your partner to be your biggest fan and cheerleader, you need to be playing the game for them to cheer you on. 

Yeah we all have bad days where we need our partner to step in and say "no, you're not shit, you're actually wonderful", but if that's the constant, it's not gonna last.

You are gorgeous. You are sexy. He is there cos he believes that. It's time you did too.

Bad Hygiene

While women generally don't have a problem with wiping their asses or keeping their bits clean, there are exceptions to that rule.

While yes, the vagina is pretty much a self cleaning oven and does most of the work for you, the vagina is only one bit of your bits. The inside bit. The rest of it, the labia, the vulva etc needs to be washed. You don't need to scrub it with a loofah,  but you do need to make sure it is clean. Really bad smells coming from the area can be a sign of infection or imbalance and need to be looked after by specific things like thrush creams or even medications and it's a good idea to see a sexual health doctor if you're worried.

The other thing that was mentioned a bit was pubic hair, but probably not in the way you’re thinking  For most men I spoke to it doesn't matter if you're a full bush kinda gal or you remove every single bit of body hair from your body, just make it neat. Think of it like the hair on your head. You probably wouldn't go on a date with unkempt, crazy bed hair... make sure all your hair, if of course you have any, is as well looked after as that.

Game Playing

"Would you still love me if I was a worm?" Jesus, girl. Stop putting ridiculous suppositions or hypothetical scenarios to your partner and then getting the shits if he doesn't answer you the way you wanted. Asking him if he thinks your best friend is hot, or getting your mates to flirt with him to see if he's trustworthy are all a bit cringe and make you out to be, yes, the crazy ex girlfriend. Yeah I get that many men can be players, but playing your own games to try and catch him out is just as bad. If he gives you reasons to be wary, then probably listen to your instincts, but don't go being just as gross as you think he's being to make a point.

Move on and find a guy who doesn't make you feel so bad.

Starfishing

Sex should be a mutually enjoyable experience for all who indulge and just lying there, without moving or making any noise is a definite turn off for men.

They want to know they're doing a good job. They want to know they're good at the sex. They want you to be present. In the moment. Loving what they are doing.

If you're not, they will assume firstly you don't like it, or them, and secondly probably won't wanna call for a next date. You don't have to be a screaming, bucking porn star, but moving with him and letting him know you're having a fun time and feeling good is a major part of their sexual enjoyment and totally gets them off and gets them more into you.

Major Intoxication

I’m not talking about fun, tiddly, giggly intoxication where everyone is a little inebriated and feeling loose... I'm talking slurring, stumbling, cross-eyed smashed-ness. It's gross for anyone. The glazed look in your eyes that says "I don't know if I'm gonna vomit or walk into a rose bush". The falling over your own feet and slurringly apologising to the wall you just knocked into... Ugh.

It also means that your consent is probably negated by just how off your face you are, and these days many, many men are thankfully realising that major intoxication does not mean yes, even if said person says yes, and they won't take you to bed, except to tuck you in and leave you with a bucket.

Please remember that many of the above turn-offs are non gender specific, and there are many crossovers, so again please be aware that this is a piece for entertainment purposes only, and is not recommended to be used as a life-saving device... But they could possibly get you some more sex with the person you want to be fucking... 

What are some of your biggest turn offs? Let us know in the comments.

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Comments (32)

  • Fuckudeep129

    Fuckudeep129
    61M NSW,
     AU

    I'd have to say, when, they got to get up, for a loo break, or there telling me to blow, i like to take my time and enjoy not rush, even knowing there enjoying it, and wanting to go again
    >4w
    Reply
  • hotbajan

    hotbajan
    57M NSW,
     AU

    Not only properly wiping your ass after going to the toilet (this applies to women also) but taking a proper shower PRIOR to meeting anyone. Those sneaky facts make you smell of ass. I went down on a lady once a long time ago and yes even women (professional career women and intellectuals included) smell of ass too! ..cue bad memories!
    This one should be common sense also but wash your privates.....guys and gals..not just a cursory wash with water. Putting a plug in for the ladies...guys this means washing your cock head too and for the uncut guys like myself..I pull my foreskin back and soap my cockhead and retracted foreskin. Based on comments from women about their preference for cut cocks, apparently a lot of guys were not taught how to do this....to the point their cockhead is "crusty"... (the idea alone is beyond revolting)! Hygiene should be a given for everyone but then they are those that didn't get the memo!
    Will add few more turnoffs.....bad attitudes, treating people as disposable pleasure toys, lack of respect for people and not being up front about intentions or interest.
    >4w
    Reply
  • CDGirl2.0

    CDGirl2.0
    Account closed

    I loved this soo much I cannae stop laughin like?! Was such a good read and so informative. I work as a fluffer / greeter girl at an adult playhouse. And the number of professional guys, who think because they are in thousand dollar suits, designer shoes (they don't need to b clean lol) even in designer wear u still smell of arse just designer arse lol
    >4w
    Reply
  • NicTheChick51

    NicTheChick51
    Account closed

    Thank you Eva, you make me laugh, which makes me happy x
    1st thought, my only child's father sitting on the freshly made bed right after his shower and leaving a sloppy poo spot. Will never forget that cracker... (2001). Yep, some shit never leaves your memory lol (poopun intended).
    I've myself been guilty of poor hygiene on a few of ocassions. Then I discovered laser hair removal. I have only had 2 sexy woman in my sexual awakening. Both were very different, one had pubic hair, one didnt, both very sexy. With my limited sexual experience with women, I don't have much to go on. But bottom line (another pun) I think it's more about the cleanliness, showers etc, than the lack/mass of public hair. Or maybe diet. Or maybe stress. Or maybe..... I can only speak for me, but, and this truly blows my mind, every experience is different because 2 different random people are always going to be different.
    Love Nic xxxx
    >4w
    Reply
  • AliGirl443

    AliGirl443
    Account closed

    Smoking..... pure vomit...
    >4w
    • OutdoorEd23

      OutdoorEd23
      50M Devonport, TAS,
       AU

      All the women in video chat room seem to smoke,such a turn off.I didn’t realise how many people still smoke these days.Must cost them a fortune.
      >4w
    • tallguy60

      tallguy60
      64M Brisbane, QLD,
       AU

      What smokers don't realize (that is, if they do care) is that nicotine goes through their entire system. A lady that I was seeing was a heavy smoker, whilst she refrained from smoking around me, the first and only time that I went down on her, I could actually taste nicotine.
      A real turn off.
      >4w
    Reply
  • WangChung2night

    WangChung2night
    46M VIC,
     AU

    People are strange at the best of my times.
    I had a FWB, generally got on well and the sex was fine. We went out to a cafe and she was so fucking rude to the service staff.
    Absolute turnoff and it ended that night. Do that to service staff, then they'll do that to you
    >4w
    Reply
  • Zamboon

    Zamboon
    66M Bridgeman Downs, QLD,
     AU

    I would never have sex without showering first ... as Ive gotten older Im more aware of cleanliness in both parties - once met a lady for a drink after work - she then invited me to her place ... in the car I started fooling around with her - wow the ofour of stale pussy filled the car so much that I had to open my window while driving ... dripped the lady at her place made an excuse and hightailed it with all windows down... didnt want sex for about a week after that...
    >4w
    Reply
  • Ktfatime232

    Ktfatime232
    Account closed

    RESPECTFULNESS. Iwould just like to add that people referring to you as "a dirty old man" before having actually meeting is something that instantly makes me lose interest. Yes some of us have seen a little bit more life than others. There is nothing dirty about have a healthy interest in sex. The fact that we are on here at all shows that we are adventurous and exciting people. Have a nice day people. Stay healthy and safe
    >4w
    Reply
  • Mindfood2

    Mindfood2
    68F QLD,
     AU

    Thank you Eva for sharing this article
    Very interesting..its a total turn off for me when a guy put so much after shave perfume it's giving me a headache and I can't even tell him as I dont want to spoil the mood. I am very particular with regards to hygiene so if a guy had a bad body odor..its a no no for me..also I would like to share my first date joining amm..He was wearing a rubber thongs..I would like to meet a guy that is neat and present himself properly..thats another turn off for me just to mention a few..each to their own..life is to 😉
    Regards
    Mingdfood2
    >4w
    • Blue262

      Blue262
      55M Hunters Hill, NSW,
       AU

      The only comment about presentation. I see men try that "I don't care" thing as if they're the first person to think of it. Turns out it's normal and people turn up to meet-ups with their Jack Daniels t-shirts. No, it's not 'your style', it's nobody's style when it's zero effort.
      You don't have to go full fashionista, just a nice shirt, as well as all the other basic stuff like being clean, makes a person look they they ARE something instead of NEEDING something.
      >4w
    Reply
  • Helloyounglover

    Helloyounglover
    Account closed

    Why did you fail to mention SMEGMA. The foul smelling dick cheese found under foreskins. Who edited your piece. Adam
    >4w
    • AMM.Editor

      AMM.Editor
      Staff Account

      As Eva explained she had to narrow it down to the top 5 which was the brief she was given but asked members to add more in the comments. And as we can see from those, everyone's top turn off is quite specific. For example smoking would turn me off before any clothes were even removed. It's a very individual thing.
      >4w
    Reply
  • Tinglespromise

    Tinglespromise
    Account closed

    In the ‘Bad Hygiene’ section 4th paragraph, you might have meant ‘fraction’ not ‘faction’.
    Not trying to be a smart arse.
    >4w
    Reply
  • HOSTINGSUCKA

    HOSTINGSUCKA
    Account closed

    It is hard to fathom that so many men seem not to think to check if everything 'down there' is nice and clean before heading over for a hookup. A smelly dick is NOT attractive or sexy!!!!!!!!!
    Talking waaaaaay too much during sex - seriously I have some guys that literally talked constantly "yea, suck my dick" kinda stuff. At times I thought I was in a B grade porno.....
    Also, fresh clean breath is also appreciated.
    >4w
    Reply
  • Tassie.Gurl

    Tassie.Gurl
    34F Launceston, TAS,
     AU

    Totally agree with this for both side. I've had alot of issues of being turned on or excited because of bad foreplay. I've had to say a few times sorry but I can't give you a head job your cock smells. Make sure you shower before any date and if it's made you sweaty suggest some possible shower time together, great way to get the foreplay going. May call for another shower but hey that's the fun of it...
    Thanks for sharing I hope guys and girls can work on these issues after reading these.
    >4w
    Reply
  • AaliaTatorTot

    AaliaTatorTot
    56F NSW,
     AU

    Couldn't agree more about turn offs being individual, but they can also depend on context. For example, dirty talk. On a regular day, I loathe words that I feel denigrate or diminish women. There is good reason for that, as old stereotypes still exist in the small brains of dinosaurs - that is that all the little ladies need is a good dicking (any dick will do) and that we're all gagging for it. Words like slut, whore, holes etc leave me cold and a little bit angry.
    With an established partner/s, when we all understand the rules of engagement then, yes, yes yes, those words bring something to the table (or bedroom). Familiarity and care is the difference.
    >4w
    • StraightSwap4u

      StraightSwap4u
      39M 39F Wagga Wagga, NSW,
       AU

      Could not agree more with this comment in its entirety. Some of us happen to keep things kinda lady-like, and just so happen to enjoy hot, sensual sex with none of the utter smut. Such an instant turn-off.
      >4w
    Reply
  • TallTattooed4U

    TallTattooed4U
    35M Seaford, VIC,
     AU

    Great article and I think your right on the money with all the examples you’ve given. I’d like to add one more though - a bit of general smarts. You don’t have to split the atom but for god sake please know the difference between BROUGHT and BOUGHT. Don’t tell me about the latest pretty thing you “brought” from the shops, because you didn’t “brought” anything from the shops! You bought it from the shop and then you BROUGHT it home, it’s really not that hard. Sorry for the rant, but I’ve been doing this online dating thing for 18 months now and it amazes me how many woman talk like they never made it past primary school.
    >4w
    Reply
  • Bibbwandfun

    Bibbwandfun
    Account closed

    Men who don't listen
    >4w
    Reply
  • sensatiate

    sensatiate
    55M NSW,
     AU

    Sapiosexuals who can't spell
    >4w
    • Blue262

      Blue262
      55M Hunters Hill, NSW,
       AU

      Your so mean, just playing the double's advocate here and don't want to be ridden off, but when it comes to grammer this guy's the limit.
      It's a doggy dog world out their!
      >4w
    Reply
  • Redheart822

    Redheart822
    44F Castle Hill, NSW,
     AU

    I so agree about men washing their butt hole. I was with this guy who kept sticking his bum in my face, obviously wanting me to rim him but the smell of shit was so overpowering I could barely breathe. Even though he was really sexy, every time I think about our night together I grimace in disgust rather than remembering the other good parts 😝
    >4w
    Reply
  • hotmojos

    hotmojos
    58M 56F Mermaid Waters, QLD,
     AU

    We met a hot chick recently that had an awesome body and a gorgeous face but was so out of it that she kept forgetting where she was. She did a little strip show which was hot and asked to be fucked. I was surprised that my husband went instantly soft. He said it would be like raping a woman because she would not even remember what had happened or who fucked her. Her eyes were gazing off to nowhere....He made her a cup of tea and ordered her a cab.
    >4w
    Reply
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