Let's talk about Penis Envy
We ask the hard questions about penis envy (pun intended)! Who coined the phrase? What does it mean? And is anyone actually envious of someone because of their penis?
Who coined the phrase Penis Envy?
The term “penis envy” was put forward by Sigmund Freud as part of his theory of psychosexual development. Basically he proposed that young girls feel deprived and envious that they don’t have a penis which later developed into the desire for access to a penis, and led to normal (according to Freud) heterosexual development. As a CIS gendered woman I can confidently tell you that I have never felt deprived because I have a vagina rather than a penis. I can’t claim credit for the shift against Freud’s model but I am not alone and the theory is now heavily criticised. Freud got a couple of other critical things wrong too, like privileging the vagina over the clitoris and implying that penile penetration defines a woman’s mature sexuality. I think lesbians might have a thing or two to say about that theory too.
What does Penis Envy mean today?
If the phrase is used today it’s likely to have nothing to do with an actual penis, but is used as a metaphor for issues such as gender inequality, the gender pay gap and the social power perceived to be unfairly accorded to men. Some feminists claim that the concept explains how, in a patriarchal society, women might envy the power accorded to those with a phallus. Now I don’t want to go all screechy feminist here, I am just trying to clarify why the term is occasionally thrown into a conversation or a newspaper article. So basically in modern terms it’s not actually talking about a penis, it’s more about how society views the owner of the penis in relation to his female counterparts.
What do research studies reveal about Penis Envy among men?
A number of research studies reveal that penis envy does exist, but it’s the penis owners wondering if their penis could look nicer, be shaped differently, or be bigger.
A 2017 study published in the Archives of Sexual Behaviour surveyed over 4,000 men to find out how they felt about their junk, and how it influenced their sex lives. The study found:
- 64% were happy with the shape of their glans
- 27% were unhappy with length of their flaccid penis
- 19% were unhappy with their erect penis
- 15% were unhappy with the girth of their penis
- 14% said weren’t satisfied with their penises overall
That’s a massive number of unhappy penis owners.
Studies have shown that men who are dissatisfied with their penis reported a lower level of sexual activity with less vaginal sex and less received oral sex. And feelings of insecurity about the look of their penis ultimately led to anxiety which basically led to avoiding sex altogether.
As I don’t own a penis I can only comment on what I’ve read or been told which is that men do worry about being growers, about the length, the girth and of course their penis’s performance. That’s a lot of stress right there. And while women who are unhappy with their labia or their vaginal tightness have an option to reduce, refreshen or tighten their pink bits (although this is mostly unnecessary and brought about by insecurities about their own genitals), there are not a lot of options for men to enlarge or change their penis.
And then there are all those times men have to whip it out in public and potentially have someone else sneak a peek – public toilets, locker rooms, even swingers parties. I know men say they don’t look, but guys can you honestly say you’ve never once had the odd peek just to see how you rank in the gifted penis department? And don’t get me started about the photos comparing your penis beside a ruler, a can of coke or a Lynx deodorant can, or the comparison with pornstars and their enviable statistics. As I said earlier, men are under a lot of pressure.
Here's the good news!
It turns out there is a big discrepancy between men and women when it comes to the subject of “does size matter”.
For a start women consider penis size the 9th most important feature for a man, while men rate it much higher, in 3rd place. And a 2013 study at the Australian National University found that although women opted for a larger penis for casual encounters, they preferred an average penis for long term relationships. The same study also found that most Aussie men are happy with their penis size in relation to satisfying their sexual partner, and that a big penis did not make you more attractive. And strangely there is no evidence that women are envious for not owning a penis themselves.
So to all penis lovers, Eva Sless shared some fab advice in her article “Penis Appreciation Society”, “If you, like me, are a lover of men, and have men in your life whose penises you like, tell them!”
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