10 Ways to Instantly Kill the Mood During Sex

How good is sex! You and your partner, intimate and close, sharing space, sharing breath, sharing bodies. It's beautiful. It's sensual. It's pleasure wrapped up and entwined with the two of you... And then something happens and the mood just... flops... Here are 10 ways to instantly kill the mood during sex.

Realising You're Not Alone 

I don't mean suddenly realising there's a shadowy figure looming in the corner while you're having sex, although that would totally be a mood killer, I mean that sudden realisation that your kids have come home early, or your housemates are in the next room and have probably heard you and your partner going at it like rabbits. While it might embarrass your kids a bit, or give your housemates some teasing fodder until the next one does something embarrassing, it's not totally the end of the world, but it's probably ruined the mood a bit and is possibly time to put your pants on and go do something else for a while.

Bad Dirty Talk

Some of you may be too young to remember Seinfeld's amazingly awful dirty talking experience of "the panties your mother laid out for you" but basically, if you're not particularly good at, or don't know what to say during, dirty talk, it might be a good idea to not say anything at all. In my life as a former sex worker I heard some incredible lines that made me cringe and/or giggle so much I actually ran workshops on what to say or not say, and we've even got a few articles here on the Adult Match Maker blog. Having something cringey or gross or unsexy whispered in your ear can totally ruin the mood, as can laughing at said bad talk. So it's a good idea to not only have a bit of a dirty talk pre-talk so you know the sorts of things your partner wants to hear, but also know that sometimes it's just... bad... and it might get a laugh or a cringe... and that's okay too.

Phone Ringing and Pinging

Ambient music can be great for some sexy background sounds during a play session, but having a jarring, tinny rendition of some trendy pop song, or the buzz buzz of a text stream, blare into the moment can be incredibly off-putting and mood ruining. Turn your phone off! Put it on silent! Leave your phone in another room. It's really not conducive to sexy time.

Small Talk

I'm sure we've all been there. You're in the throes of passion, your toes are tingling, your excitement is building... and you suddenly remember you've booked the plumber to come on Wednesday and you need to remind your partner to be home for it... Leave it. It really doesn't matter and it can totally kill the mood. Yes, long-term couples may be slightly less affected by these interruptions; "don't forget to pay the phone bill, god your tits look good" can be foreplay for many of us, but for the most part, leave the small talk and every day stuff to other rooms outside the bedroom. 

Annoying Clothing

Mmmm. You've got that sexy number with the straps on. The one that wraps around your waist and curves and looks like something Cher might wear to a Met Gala... Slinky and sultry and... fuck, how do I undo that buckle, and does that bit come undone, and shit am I gonna rip this?? 

Sexy lingerie can be awesome but it can be fiddly and annoying when it comes to the crunch, so it's a good idea to know which sexy undies are good for sex amd which are good for taking sexy photos... cos they really can be hugely different and ridiculously expensive so it's good to know what's worth the money and what isn't.

Talking About Your Ex

Just don't. Don't mention them. Don't mention their stuff. Don't say anything about them good or bad. Just don't. They are an ex for a reason. Keep it that way. Especially in the bedroom. 

Pet Interruptions

My boyfriend has a dog who is so well trained the minute we start to even kiss she gets herself up and removes herself from the room. She's awesome. 

He has another dog too. This one hears kissing and she MUST KNOW WHAT IS HAPPENING!! She gets as close to us as she can, sticks her face right into ours and pants. Pantpantpant... it is incredibly off-putting as well as being hilarious... but it’s mostly off-putting. We have to physically remove her from the room and close the door and pretend we don't know she's sitting outside the door pantpantpanting until we let her back in... So yeah. Pets. Pets can totally ruin the mood... lucky they're so cute huh?

Wrong Background Sounds

Like the phone ringing in the background, having the TV on can be a minefield of mostly innocuous stuff littered with advertisements you would normally mute or breaking news with depressing stories of war and murder. Or even worse, worming a jingle into your ears so you start humping to the rhythm of "firteen firty firty two" without even realising it... The best suggestion I have is to put music on instead of the telly, or have quick access to the mute button, or, like all interruptions and mood killers, just laugh and enjoy the dopamine. 

Over Inebriation 

There is nothing more likely to ruin the sexy mood than a big red wine spew on the silk sheets. Or someone getting so high they can't stand up properly or string a coherent sentence together. Sure, mood enhancements can be great fun, we've all got our vices, but be aware of your limits, and the limits of those around you. Consent becomes incredibly murky when drugs and alcohol are involved, and getting so wasted you can't remember the previous evening's events can be frustrating at best, and downright concerning at worst. Be safe. Always.

Bad Hygiene 

For the love of all that is good and holy in the world of sexy times, swish some bloody mouthwash and have a bit of a wash before you get down and dirty. It can seriously be as simple as a wet wipe and a Tic Tac if you really don't want to, or have time to, have a proper shower etc, but it can do wonders for the person you're playing with. Brushing your teeth directly before sex can be a little hazardous as it can cause little cuts and abrasions inside your mouth which can then make you more susceptible to STIs, but for those in longer relationships it's probably a non issue.

Men, don't be afraid to wipe your butt properly. Like right in there. Til it wipes clean. It doesn't make you gay (you may laugh but this is a very real issue with men and it's ridiculous). Women, if you're feeling a little less-than-fresh down there, a wet wipe is all you need. Don't douche or anything silly like that. 

And please remember, everyone, deodorant is your friend, and you should say hello to it more often. 

There's so much to love about sex, but there are also so many little things that can get in the way. The best way to deal with things like this is to laugh and carry on, or get up and do something else for a while , and try not worry so much about the little things. Life is big and messy and full of shit that can go wrong, so when it comes to the enjoyable moments like sex or food or other things that make you feel good, just enjoy them for all they are, mood killing warts n all.