I have a confession.
I am addicted to Internet dating.
And at the age of 82 this obsession
Is showing no sign of abating.
Besides flirting online is such a thrill.

I forget for a moment I am over the hill.
PING!

Yeah! A new message has winged my way.
Let me see what he has to say.
ARE YOU FREE ON FRIDAY
FOR A ROLL IN THE HAY?
Well, I don’t think much of his style
But let me check his profile.
No need for second guessing
.
In a heartbeat I know there will be no willing bodies undressing.
I wanna blurt GET LOST!

However, nice girls don’t get cross.

So, I will tell His Nibs
A little fib.

SORRY YOUNG BARD
BUT I ALREADY HAVE A FULL DANCE CARD
PING!
Listen to how the Dick head replies

WELL GIRLIE THE CAMERA NEVER LIES.
AND YOU SHOULD HIDE YOUR BODY AT YOUR AGE.
I wanna go into a full-on rage.

You are a stupid sexist ageist fool.

However, good girls don’t lose their cool.
So, I will zip my lip
And keep a tight ship.
PING!
Golly! Listen to the chauvinist chap.
Blurting this crap down the wire
BLOKES DON’T LOOK AT THE MANTELPIECE WHEN STOKING THE FIRE.
BECAUSE WHEN WE HAVE A RAGING HORN.
THE CLOSEST PORT WILL DO IN A STORM.

I wanna vomit expletives and shake my fist. 

You are a lecherous arrogant misogynist.

However, sweet girls don’t rock the boat.
So, I will ask the silly old goat.
PLEASE EXPLAIN.
DO SOME MEN BELIEVE THEY HAVE A FREE TICKET ON THE
GRAVY TRAIN
AND WHEN OUR BREASTS SAG AND OUR LOOKS FADE
DO THEY STILL TELL LIES TO GET LAID?
PING!
Wow! listen to the clown boasting with this brag.
OF COURSE!
BOYS WILL BE BOYS SO WHEN I NEED A SHAG
IT’S HORSES FOR COURSES
AND I KID YOU NOT
WHEN I’M HOT TO TROT
I TELL PORKIES TO GET A POKE
BECAUSE A RANDY BLOKE
WILL RIDE ANY OLD NAG IN THE STABLE.
I wanna give the moron the rounds of the kitchen table.
There is nothing sorrier
Than a bogan keyboard warrior.
And besides your lack of integrity I truly despise.
However, demure girls don’t chastise.
So, I will GHOST the obnoxious jerk.
PING!

Honestly! the total Birk
Obviously thinks he is a clever dick.
And has posted a pic of his prick.
I wanna preach from my high horse.
It’s par for the course
That you think a pic of your penis
Makes you a friggin genius.
Actually, I have seen my fair share of Rogers, Snakes in the
Trousers, Hunt the Salami, Dip sticks, Pricks,
Pork Swords, and even the Beef Bayonet.

But sadly, your Savaloy is the smallest I’ve seen yet.
And I have news for you.
I do not suffer with the A.D.W.D syndrome
So, it’s simply not true that Any Dick Will DO
Therefore, your wee wee willy winky I delete from my phone.
However, obedient girls hold their tongue.
So, I will bite my lip and keep Mum.
PING!
Can you believe the wankers next claim!
I LOVE THE KILLING GAME
IT’S THE ONE THING I CAN TRUST
TO STIFFEN MY WEAPON AND FUEL MY LUST.
SO HUNTING IS A MUST.
I wanna vent my disgust and contempt.
Do you think from common decency you are exempt?
However, polite girls don’t stir the possum.
So, I am furious
And wanna kick him further than I can toss him.
But I am also curious
WHEN YOU HEAR THE DYING ANIMAL SQUEALING
ARE YOU DEVOID OF ALL FEELING?
PING!

How absurd! listen to the turd’s
Demeaning words.
WELL GIRLIE, I FEEL FINE.

DRAWING BLOOD GETS ME RANDY EVERY TIME.
I wanna cut loose and hurl abuse.
You are a Red Neck Goose.

And furthermore
Your entrenched white male privileges and toxic masculinity I truly abhor.
However, God’s police girls are sweeter than wine.

So, I will shoot this message down the line.
I BELIEVE RAPING MOTHER EARTH IS A CRIME.
THAT’S WHY I SUPPORT THE PROTEST TO STOP THE C.S.G. MINE.
PING!

Oh dear!
Listen to his verbal diarrhea!
MINING HAS BEEN MADE INTO THE BIG BOOGEYMAN
BECAUSE WITH OUT MINING LASSIE YOU NEED TO UNDERSTAND

YOU WOULD STILL BE LIVING IN A GRASS HUT AND EATING
WITCHETTY GRUB STEW.
AND BOYS WILL BE BOYS
SO, GIRLIE YOU WOULD NOT GET TO CHOOSE WHO BONKS YOU.
I wanna bellow SHUT THE FUCK UP!
Because deep inside me there is a volcano ready to erupt!
However, I will tell the Nice, Good, Sweet Demure, Obedient,
Polite, Gods Police girl to:

WAKE THE FUCK UP!

In our misogynist boys will be boys patriarchal society women are often belittled if they dare to speak up.

But watch me! Speak my truth and lift the veil.
Blazing my own new courageous trail.

Watch me! Celebrate my vibrant colours as I unfurl.
Expressing who I am to the world.

Watch me! Carve my own piece of sky.
Spreading my wings to fly.

Watch me! Reveal my true essence.
Standing in embodied presence.

Watch me! Gird my loins.
Delivering my last message with dignity and poise.

I UNEQUIVOCALLY STATE LOUD AND CLEAR.
YOUR INSULTING MESSAGES OF SHAME, RIDICULE AND FEAR
DISRESPECTS ALL WOMEN AND HALF THE HUMAN RACE.

BUT YOUR ARROGANT ATTEMPT TO KEEP THE STATUS QUO IN
PLACE
WILL NEVER BRING ME ASUNDER.
SO HEAR ME ROAR LOUDER THAN THUNDER.
I HAVE THE GOD GIVEN RIGHT TO DETERMINE MY OWN
DESTINY.
I AM STRONG, AND I AM FREE.
I AM INVINCIBLE,
 WISE AND FORMIDABLE
.
AND I HAVE INFINITE CHOICE.
BECAUSE I HAVE A VOICE.
AND IN THE ELEVENTH HOUR
I CHOOSE
TO CLAIM BACK MY POWER
AS NAKED AS A JAYBIRD IN MY DANCING SHOES.

MY DANCING SHOES. 
MY DANCING SHOES.

AS NAKED AS A JAYBIRD IN MY DANCING SHOES.

PING!


Julie 15/4/2025