What if my partner falls for a playmate?

If you are swinging with your partner then this is one of the potential hazards of the lifestyle, but is it more likely to happen in the swinging world? Not necessarily. Remember that this lifestyle also has the added benefit of being able to have your cake and eat it too, so for most people it’s a case of “why would I leave when I get to have it all anyway?”

In general swinging brings couples together, playmates are just an extension of their toy-box and that’s how it stays for most people. However, there have been occasions where one part of a couple falls in love (or absolute lust) for someone they’ve played with.

My first question would be, how solid was the relationship to begin with? Most couples I talk to find their relationship only becomes stronger when they start swinging. If there are problems, then no matter what style of relationship they are in, traditional or swinger, people falling in love with other people happens. The question then becomes – what do you do about it?

You can get into this lifestyle and both be completely open about the people you want to play with, and then out of the blue your partner finds themselves connecting more deeply than they planned, discovering that they have fallen in love with someone else… The thing is it could just as easily be you…

In all seriousness, if your partner decides they are in love with someone else, then they are in love with someone else and it’s not something you can force them to change. If you truly love someone then you have to set them free; holding onto them is only going to make it worse for all!

Think about what you would want your partner to do; what if it was you that fell in love with a playmate? Would you want them to rant and rave, forbid you from seeing that other person and force you to be with them? Or would you rather that they love you enough to want you to be happy, even if it’s with someone else? Would you want them to let you go to follow your heart? Would you want them to try and remain friends (especially if there are kids involved)?

If your partner actually falls for someone else, while it’s never an easy thing to go through, it may be a blessing in disguise as there could be someone else out there more perfect for you than they were… I believe this to be the case, but you have to decide for yourself.

It is also possible that it’s just an infatuation, and a few months down the track they realise they’ve made a massive mistake and want to come back to you. At that point you have to make another decision, do you still love them? You loved them enough to set them free and they came back to you. While that decision will depend on the complexities surrounding the split, it’s something to keep in mind when you are going through the initial “what the hell do I do?” processing you’ll do if you ever find yourself in this boat (which I hope you never do).

Ultimately, I don’t believe that swinging increases the chances of your partner falling in love and leaving you for someone else but if it happens, it happens, and you will have to decide what’s best for you at that point. My best advice is to let them go. When we started this journey I already decided that this is what I would do if it were ever me, and it’s because I love him enough to want to see him experience true love and happiness, even if that is with someone else…

(Excerpt taken from The Essential Guide for Adventurous Couples)

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